Thoughts on Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger (Part 1)

Hello Toku Faithful one and all. I’m EZ Rider, number one toku guy here to give you landlubbers the lowdown on a new batch of scurvy pirates- Nah. It’s not talk-like-a-pirate day yet so screw that. Goseiger was a bore-fest so it looks like Toei decided to make the new show about pirates since, well, pirates are interesting. I give you my first impressions of Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger. Let’s get started on the adventures on some real pirates, Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom-less ones.

Oh-E-Oh. We-Oh-Oh. Oh-E-Oh.

We start off with an invasion of earth. A kind of “Machine Empire” if you will. Man, flashbacks to Ohranger/Power Rangers Zeo already. So basically these bucket-heads are laying waste to earth but who should appear? ….Every single Super Sentai member who ever existed. Holy shit that is awesome except Goseiger is leading the charge, damn it. Couldn’t we leave the bland angels behind?

The battle is AWESOME. Even dead senshi like DragonRanger, Black Condor and TimeFire are there for the battle and it is mind blowing. It’s like the Rider War only they’re not all wiped out by a pretentions douchebag rider. Anyway our 34 sentai teams battle the onslaught but when they realize it’s not enough, Akaranger (the leader of the first team, Goranger) decides they must make the ultimate sacrifice to drive away this new threat, and I’m sure we’ll “never” see that evil threat ever again.

Space. The Final Frontier. These are the voyages
of.......Doctor Who.

Enter the Gokai Galleon which looks like a pirate ship. A little birdie (okay it’s an annoying robot parrot named Navi who sounds like Mandora Boy on helium) tells the passengers that the world’s greatest treasure is on said planet. It’s here were you get some good examples of four of the five members. Ahim/Pink is the naïve but caring sweet girl from next door-type, Doc/Green is the smart one and I swear to god looks like a cross between Jon Pertwee and Sylvester McCoy (the 3^rd and 7^th Doctors from Doctor Who if you didn’t know), Luka/Yellow is the tomboy and currently my new favorite female senshi. Queen and Elizabeth may be off the hook because I have a new crush. Jo/Blue is the serious one but next to Red has the least development. Seriously, he looks like Hyde from Goseiger with a ponytail, hopefully that will change. Finally we meet the leader, Captain Marvelous. (No, seriously, that’s his name.) He is probably the most adventurous of the group but that’s all I can surmise from him right now. Our heroes head to Earth when, here’s a shock, the Zangyack Empire closes in on them.

Oh before I go any further I should talk about the theme song. It’s REALLY good. It’s upbeat but not too upbeat a la Goseiger and it’s just intense enough to get the blood pumping. Almost like a softer version of Shinkenger. If you can find the theme then defiantly snag it, your iPod and eardrums will thank you.

Anyway our heroes elude their pursuers who only seem to want them for the bounty’s on them, not because of what they can do. And for that matter, who the hell issued these rewards? Space Navy? U.N.T Spacy? WHO??? Our heroes take evasive action and form the Gokai-Oh, which looks AWESOME! Usually I’m not a big fan of CGI but this space battle would make Tomino shed a tear. It looks really well done. After slicing and dicing the ships, our heroes head to earth, in broad daylight and in front of millions of bystanders. They even announced they are Gokaigers. I guess they never heard of the term “low profile”. Our heroes ask the populace or “commoners” if they know where the treasure is and get no results as you’d expect.

Cut back to space, the Zangyack empire plots and plans, led by ummm….a gayer version of Prince Gasket from Zeo. Giru-sama (I think that’s what he’s called) instructs his men to launch an attack on earth while scolding them about getting beat by pirates. Wait I thought pirates were bad guys. Wouldn’t it make more sense if the Gokaigers were bad guys? Let me quote my friend Cin Wicked again. Pirates are the bad guys who well, take stuff. The Gokaigers are more like swashbuckling adventurers, not unlike the Boukengers, so the whole pirate theme is flawed here. Just saying.

Women. Always with the money. Am I right guys?

Back on earth, Luka has to sell one of her rings for food money since; well they didn’t steal any money like they should have if they are pirates. What kind of pirates are you anyway if you don’t just take things? But before our heroes can have lunch, the angry bots attack the earth, destroying their money in the process.Anyway the Gormin Sailors (the “puttys” of the series if you will) spread out and attack innocent bystanders here and there. But before the general can kill a group of schoolchildren our heroes decide to intervene instead of retreating.

Yea that's right. That's my money-walk bitches!

After enough (but not annoying) banter between the good guys and bad guys it’s henshin time. Oh boy, cell phones again, that’s always a joy. Our heroes transform into Gokaigers and it is just awesome. I love the XXXV during the transformation. Our heroes whip out the bad-ass scimitars and pistols (both of which I want BADLY!!) and they even use grappling hooks during the fight to swing around on. How cool is that??? They even trade weapons in the middle of battle. Some are marksmen and others are good with the blade. Especially Luka who does a bitchin’ Heavenly Sword move on the baddies. But our heroes are just getting warmed up.

Now they debut the Ranger Keys. Our heroes use the keys in their henshin cell phones to become Himitsu Sentai Goranger. This does raise an interesting question though. Would that be kind of a downgrade? I mean that team didn’t have any weapons save for a ball they kicked around. But it turns into a garbage truck…okay…I guess it works. After that they become Shinkenger and then Magiranger (gender confusion at its finest I might add) and now it’s time to finish off the monster of the week. Our heroes turn to normal and use their Gokai Ranger keys in their swords to perform the Final Wave attack and cut him down to size.

Green: Batter Up!!!

After that awesome battle, the team sits and ponders their next move but then get a “thank you” from the grateful children and teachers they saved. Ahim seems to be the only one who responds to it though. The rest just shrug it off like a bunch of dicks. Marvelous said they only stopped the baddies because they didn’t get lunch and not to save humans. Man, he’s not self-absorbed at all is he? And the episode ends with our heroes walking off and contemplating what to do next.

"Yea we're selfish bastards."

This was a HELL of a first episode. It had more action than you can shake a morpher at, hilarious moments and we find out the heroes aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. Personally it could have benefitted from an origin about how these five got these powers and keys but that’s okay. This is very reminiscent of the first episode of Decade. It looks epic but will Gokaiger just become another middle finger to all the Toku Faithful like that was or will this merry band of pirates get it right? Time will tell.

Well that’s my thoughts on the first episode of Gokaiger. Check back for thoughts on Episode 2: The Search for the Man in Black. Oh man I hope they’re talking about Johnny Cash. Later.